Welcoming an au pair into your home is an exciting time, marking the start of a new experience that can revitalize your family's routine and childcare schedule. It can also bring up lots of "what ifs"— “what if my au pair doesn’t fit in with my family?” or “what if we have communication issues?”
Beyond leaning on your Cultural Care Au Pair support system, a crucial first step is setting clear expectations through house rules. Much of an au pair’s initial anxiety comes from uncertainty, so establishing these rules early on can help alleviate this concern. Rather than seeing rules as restrictive, view them as a way to eliminate guesswork and ensure your au pair understands your household preferences.
Here are the top five areas where rules can be helpful in navigating the beginning of your au pair year.
Rule #1: Car use
Discussing car use with your au pair is crucial, as preferences can vary widely. For some families, it's important for au pairs to have car access to transport children to school or activities. Others might allow car use only during off-duty hours for personal errands or local trips. Some families choose not to let their au pairs drive at all, while others provide a dedicated vehicle. There is no one-size-fits-all approach, so it's essential to establish your own terms.
We recommend addressing car use during the interview process to ensure prospective au pairs understand your expectations before arriving in the U.S. Additionally, consider your neighborhood’s characteristics—whether it’s urban with good public transport or a remote suburb. Ensuring your au pair can be independent, explore new places, and access friends and activities is key to their overall experience.
Rule #2: TV use
Like most people, your au pair may enjoy watching TV from time to time. Providing access to a television—whether in their bedroom or in a shared space—can be a great way for them to unwind.
Consider when and where you’re comfortable with your au pair watching TV. For instance, you might prefer they only watch TV during their off-duty hours or while the children are napping so their primary focus remains on the kids. Also, be sure to communicate any restrictions regarding parental advisory levels or specific shows that are off-limits for both the au pair and the children.
Rule #3: Curfew
Setting a curfew for your au pairs off-duty hours will help maintain balance. Many host families establish separate curfews for weeknights and weekends, while others have a consistent curfew throughout the week or use a flexible “text when you’re heading home” agreement.
Whatever you choose, it's important to be generous and understanding. Your au pair is here to experience life in the U.S. and connect with others, so allow them the freedom to enjoy activities like grabbing ice cream after dinner on a weekday or returning home late from a weekend trip. What’s important is to agree on a curfew from the start and encourage open communication if any issues arise. Also, keep in mind that a curfew might be a new concept for many au pairs!
Rule #4: House guests and overnight stays
As your au pair makes new friends, they may want to host gatherings, whether it’s inviting another au pair over for coffee or preparing a meal for visiting family. Setting clear guidelines about the frequency, duration, number of guests, and timing of these gatherings can help ensure they remain enjoyable and manageable. Always aim to be generous and welcoming, as allowing your au pair to share their “second home” with friends and family can help them feel more integrated into your lives.
Also be sure to discuss your comfort level with overnight stays. Some families are happy to accommodate extended family in a guest room for a week or more over the holidays, while others prefer guests stay in nearby hotels but are willing to host dinners. Whatever you decide, open and honest communication with your au pair is key.
Rule #5: Home entry
Oftentimes, there are cultural differences when it comes home entry. For example, in some cultures, leaving house or car doors unlocked and answering the door for strangers is common. If your au pair does this, it’s likely due to different cultural norms rather than a lack of awareness or a disregard for personal safety.
It’s important to set clear rules for home management, especially regarding on-duty time with the children. If you prefer doors to be locked at all times, communicate this expectation to your au pair and establish a system of reminders or checks to ensure they adhere to it. Keep in mind that adjusting to new habits can take time, so approach this with patience and encouragement as your au pair settles into life in the U.S. and your home.