Both our host families and our au pairs complete preparation and training programs to ensure a successful and rewarding year together. And while that is the case for a majority of our participants, sometimes an au pair rematch is necessary and can lead to a more positive experience for everyone involved. Understanding why rematches happen and what to expect can ease some of the anxiety surrounding the process.
We’ll break down the most common reasons we see for Cultural Care rematches, how the process works, and the best steps to take if your au pair situation isn’t working out.
The meaning of rematching with an au pair
If a host family and an au pair decide to end their match with one other in order search for a more compatible fit, it's known as an au pair rematch. While it’s never the outcome anyone hopes for, sometimes it's the right step for both parties. When we rematch an au pair, we're giving both the host family and the au pair a chance to have better experience. The rematch meaning isn’t about failure—it’s about improving the outcome for everyone involved.
Common causes of an au pair rematch
The most common reasons a host family and au pair enter into an au pair rematch include:
Communication issues: Good communication is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, and when it’s lacking, frustrations can build and trust may break down
Personality differences: Conflicting personalities may result in tension and make day-to-day interactions more difficult
Driving incompatibility: If a host family's driving expectations and au pair skill levels don’t match, it can impact the chances for success
Au pair culture shock and/or homesickness: Culture shock and homesickness are common feelings to experience while getting used to life in a new country, and in severe cases can lead to an au pair returning home early
U.S. Department of State violations: If au pairs or host families violate the program rules or break any laws during their program term, they are at risk for being removed from the program altogether
When not to rematch and continue with your au pair
If things aren’t going smoothly with your au pair, it’s important to address concerns early on—whatever they may be. Find a time to calmly express your worries and give your au pair space to share their thoughts. Issues with communication, personality, driving and culture shock and homesickness can be overcome with time and effort.
For example, communication issues can be resolved with more open dialogue, so it’s a good idea to schedule regular check-ins to discuss what’s working well and address any concerns you may be having.
In terms of a personality mismatch, taking time to understand each other’s perspectives can lead to an improved relationship. That said, it's unrealistic and unlikely to expect any major personality changes.
As for the third point, driving in the U.S. is very different from driving in many other countries, so giving au pairs a few weeks to adjust—along with a few lessons with a host parent or professional instructor—can do wonders to build an au pair's confidence and familiarity with local roads and rules.
And finally, remember that nearly every au pair will experience some degree of culture shock and homesickness, but most au pairs do adjust quickly. Being patient with them, offering encouragement and care, and helping them make friends and stay focused on their goals and intentions will go a long way.
What to do when it’s not working out
If your issues don't improve after your own efforts and there's a breakdown in trust or confidence, it’s time to involve your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC). Your LCC can help mediate conversations, offer solutions, and develop a plan to address the issues.
If the problems persist despite these efforts, your LCC may recommend moving forward with an exit interview to begin the Cultural Care rematch process.
Navigating the Cultural Care rematch process
The Cultural Care rematch process begins with an exit interview between the family, the au pair, and your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC), who will help assess the situation and provide recommendations. During this meeting, you and your au pair will agree on next steps, including the au pair’s schedule for the final two weeks and any adjustments to house rules, such as curfew or car use.
You’ll also decide whether your au pair will continue working or be relieved of childcare duties during this period. If they continue working, they are entitled to their weekly stipend. If not, the weekly stipend is no longer required. However, you will need to provide room and board for up to two weeks to allow your au pair time to find a new host family. While this period may feel awkward, it is crucial to treat your au pair with care and respect, as you would any family member.
Finding your next caregiver
Once the au pair rematch process begins, Cultural Care support staff will help you find a new au pair who is a better fit for your family. You can choose to look for an au pair who is overseas and looking for their first host family, or consider hosting an in-country au pair—someone who is already in the U.S. In-country au pairs are seeking a new host family either because they are a rematch themselves or because they are choosing to extend their au pair year and are often available to start quickly. This makes in-country au pairs great candidates if you need immediate childcare.
Regardless, it's a good idea to have a backup plan in place during the au pair rematch process, as finding the right au pair may take time. Once you’ve selected your next au pair, your Cultural Care support team will coordinate their arrival to your home.
Prioritizing a positive experience for all
While the goal of the au pair program is a positive, year-long exchange, it's important to remember that rematches are sometimes necessary, and that we at Cultural Care will provide clear structure and support when they are.